a huge vat of meshmass has been bubbling noisesomely in the centre of the warehouse for over a fortnight. on inspection all that is left from this process is the usual acrid smell and a sticky residue which we are not too proud to label FEBRUARY (produce of more than one country, may contain traces of nuts). this will soon be (all too soon – nay, is already) winging its way to disgruntled customers all over Britain and America who will find it gumming up their i-tunes, i-pads and eyewash and causing the internet slow to a crawl, swell in the middle and get indigestion. Or possibly grunting its way to whingeing customers…. who can tell? who could possibly care? so it is time to let you into a little secret. this month’s meshmass has not only been boiled, pasteurised and simmered for several weeks to reduce and thicken, but it has then been spread out to dry in front of an industrial heater fuelled by the frustrated cries of helpless maidens and cut into leathery strips which could possibly be mistaken for biltong, but taste even more peculiar. these strips were then soaked in effluent until they expanded and dissolved again, whereupon they were returned to the vat. what could be simpler or more rewarding? apart from something simple and rewarding, perhaps. anyway, this glimpse into our production values is more than you deserve, now be off with you.
meshmass have just held their first recording session for february, what with one thing and another, and brought out several strange things to play with including a highly eccentric 12 string guitar which was once half of a double-neck prog-rock nightmare. this was apparently used by "the enid" when it was a 12-string/bass guitar monster but has since been divorced and what's more cut in half and only the top bit remains. it's still enormous however and richard says it weighs a ton. the headstock is enormous, almost as long as what remains of the body. this preposterous machine was made by shergold (not shergar, the champion racehorse famously stolen by the IRA), the same people who made hayman guitars in the 60's and 70's. syd barrett used a hayman on the 'piper at the gates of dawn' sessions. not only did we have that to confuse us but peter has bought a new blue box (a digitech jamman delay (discontinued)) which conspires to add to the general sense of bewilderment in meshmass towers at recording time. and it seems like a very long time since we did such a thing in any case, so that as usual we seem to have forgotten how we are supposed to do it. nevertheless we have generated an hour of new material to worry about and in any case we never really knew how or indeed whether we were supposed to do it and can only presume that we weren't.
Meshmass are proud and honoured to announce that we have been offered the golden opportunity to supply title and continuity music for a new reality television show to be called ‘the uneatables’. The pitch explains that the show will select ‘unattractive individuals of low economic value’ and whilst pretending they have won a competition have them assassinated by rival teams of hit squads in a variety of entertaining ways (examples were given – pushed into an array of whirling knives, boiled in a swimming pool, crushed by huge dolls) and their corpses handed over to television chefs to be carefully prepared according to innovative and mouth-watering recipes and then fed to wild animals. The resultant mangled and slobbery mess will then be judged by a panel of eminent celebrities including Paul Gascoigne, Russell Brand, Alan Shearer, Alan Sugar, Alan Aspartame, Alanis Morrisette, Morrisey, Morris Oxford, Madonna, and Silvio Berlusconi. We have refused. In other news, January has been a rather special month for us – we have worked on the asteroid a good deal, utilising echo-repeat-loop-technology™ on the saxophone – and have produced a selection of rather atypical and sometimes quite beautiful work which we now have to reduce to manageable proportions in order to fit it through the letterboxes of those percipient enough to subscribe.
hello cruel world. it is 2015 already according to my watch and we're not ready at all, we still haven't brushed our shoes, teeth or hair (for which we always use the same brush - the brush with which we are all tarred). the year has not started with great auspices since richard has been first ill and then in firm contact with the pavement beside the A27 due to not riding his bicycle when he expected to be doing so. nevertheless we are still producing inadvisable quantities of meshmass only on richard's asteroid instead of round here beneath the ghastly neighbours and we have re-introduced the venerable 'jam-man' to confuse the saxophone with. So 2015's output quotient has so far been fulfilled by using only richard's pre-prepared material, now leaking out of an i-pad and with a selmer mark 6 alto which has the neck of a previous model.... i have another selmer from 1930 with the same design of neck, a rather more elegant thing i think than the mk 6 neck. (i have various other saxophones too, if you want to buy one, they're for sale.) we have also completed the agonising editing process that leads up to the release of a monthly subscription issue, this december's collection weighs in at almost precisely an hour and will be going out to a world already 3 or 4 inches deep in meshmass any day now - possibly even tonight. a very happy new year to all our reader. we are of course charlie: satirical fundamentalists.
The dreadful MESHMASS, murderous riff-merchants, inventors of deathpop, creators of calamitous noise, manufacturers of black disco, purveyors of sonic malignancy of any sort either imaginable or not and principal exponents of terror-hop are stricken to admit that they have neighbour trouble. The normal policy of exterminating all life-forms within a 500 metre radius having inexplicably failed, and efforts to employ the adolphian death-ray also proving fruitless they are faced with the dreadful prospect of living beings occupying nearby residences. And what beings! People made of balloons, I tell you, sausage people. A man with a head like a pink traffic light, a man so red in the face that he glows at night, suffusing the area with a roseate glow. We got a letter from the council which claimed we were committing a nuisance and alleged that our art was in fact no more than anti-social behaviour in fancy clothing. The mere fact that this is true has not prevented us from taking…. measures…. Hordes of zombies and ghouls have attacked the Housing Department, laying siege to the building and holding up placards with the single word ‘slogans’ written on them. This is nothing to do with us, oh no, and was definitively not achieved by contact with demonic forces or by conducting secret rites in the dead of night. A simultaneous distributed denial of service attack by invisible cyber-warriors was also nothing to do with us but has nevertheless caused the shutdown of all Local Government websites in the South-East of England. The sky has gone black and it is unseasonably cold. There is a nationwide strike. The government are introducing an emergency bill imposing new measures in the face of unprecedented threats to national security. Iraq has fallen to the Islamists. I have made some shortbread.
the terrifying prospect of another year of uninterrupted meshmass looms at the threshold making horrible gestures. over the last few weeks of the departed year a new policy of sampling and recycling the live instruments as played has been instituted by the ceremonially robed priestly cadres, meaning that meshmass can now be generated at once without any preparation. even more meshmass, then, if that is possible. it seems scarcely imaginable, the idea of 'even more', as the meshmass already in storage is straining the seams of the enormous metal drums in which it is held and the warehouses are full to bursting with these dangerous and unweildy containers. we were assured at the outset that the toxic residue of the meshmass would be safely held in geologically stable undergtound facilities for the sixty thousand years it is thought that it will remain hazardous, but in fact most of it was shipped to ghana in huge tankers which were then turned back and are now queueing outside the major ports of western europe and being refused entry. scientists calculate that if all the meshmass already in storage were to be released it would cause a destabilisation of the magnetic field which holds the north and south poles in place at each end of the planet leading to crisis in both the financial and climatic systems, bursting the internet and rupturing the national security agency. (ah, so that's what happened.) but it cannot be so, because i see behind me in the vast, shadowy warehouse that the stacked drums of meshmass are still piled to the ceiling with only the occasional leak visible. but somehow they look strangely taut and soft, as if they were swelling and becoming balloon-like. or is that only my imagination as i am nearly overcome by the fumes.... time to get back to the studio, it's frightening in here.... must make more meshmass.... must not ask "why?"... because of course there is no reason "why", the question itself is meaningless, there are only the reasons of being which obey no logic and have no end.... like meshmass.... and soon we will have to extract from the endless flow of meshmass another monthly portion for our helpless victims..... no, no, our eager subscribers. decembermass promises strange, innovatory and experimental meshmass. and now there is a whole new year helpless and supine before us......
septembermass is upon us.... we wouldn't normally complain but it is so hard to clean it off again. this month it took at least 3 re-edits to restrict the output to cd length (which is accurately described by the formula 'a little bit less than 80 minutes' but cannot be definitely stated without knowing exactly how many tracks are involved and etc etc due to the complexities of the cd writing process on sony soundforge.) one piece 'lumpen presidentiat' was so mangled in the editing process it had to be discarded, doubly tragic since it was named in honour of evo morales the president of bolivia whose presidential jet was refused passage through europe in case it had a snowden on board. which it did not. and which just goes to show that american 'diplomacy' has a long reach and no sense of humour, which is why i won't be making any jokes about it. because, after all, you can't make a bolivian omlette without scrambling jets. or something. so all in all it's a bit of a different set from what we laughlungingly describe as "usual" - there aren't many duets - only one and the introduction to 'lapsed' - and there are 3 pieces over 10 minutes long. we have a psychedelic 60's revival guitar instrumental, an amazonian rainforest riverboat adventure, a piece of pianodrone called 'offsettlers' and that one at least i would say is classic meshmass, whatever that is. not that 'crimmins' or 'lapsed' or 'frogbird' or 'trombone murders' are anything less than splendid, of course.