meshmass meet the neighbours

The dreadful MESHMASS, murderous riff-merchants, inventors of deathpop, creators of calamitous noise, manufacturers of black disco, purveyors of sonic malignancy of any sort either imaginable or not and principal exponents of terror-hop are stricken to admit that they have neighbour trouble. The normal policy of exterminating all life-forms within a 500 metre radius having inexplicably failed, and efforts to employ the adolphian death-ray also proving fruitless they are faced with the dreadful prospect of living beings occupying nearby residences. And what beings! People made of balloons, I tell you, sausage people. A man with a head like a pink traffic light, a man so red in the face that he glows at night, suffusing the area with a roseate glow. We got a letter from the council which claimed we were committing a nuisance and alleged that our art was in fact no more than anti-social behaviour in fancy clothing. The mere fact that this is true has not prevented us from taking…. measures…. Hordes of zombies and ghouls have attacked the Housing Department, laying siege to the building and holding up placards with the single word ‘slogans’ written on them. This is nothing to do with us, oh no, and was definitively not achieved by contact with demonic forces or by conducting secret rites in the dead of night. A simultaneous distributed denial of service attack by invisible cyber-warriors was also nothing to do with us but has nevertheless caused the shutdown of all Local Government websites in the South-East of England. The sky has gone black and it is unseasonably cold. There is a nationwide strike. The government are introducing an emergency bill imposing new measures in the face of unprecedented threats to national security. Iraq has fallen to the Islamists. I have made some shortbread.
the terrifying prospect of another year of uninterrupted meshmass looms at the threshold making horrible gestures. over the last few weeks of the departed year a new policy of sampling and recycling the live instruments as played has been instituted by the ceremonially robed priestly cadres, meaning that meshmass can now be generated at once without any preparation. even more meshmass, then, if that is possible. it seems scarcely imaginable, the idea of 'even more', as the meshmass already in storage is straining the seams of the enormous metal drums in which it is held and the warehouses are full to bursting with these dangerous and unweildy containers. we were assured at the outset that the toxic residue of the meshmass would be safely held in geologically stable undergtound facilities for the sixty thousand years it is thought that it will remain hazardous, but in fact most of it was shipped to ghana in huge tankers which were then turned back and are now queueing outside the major ports of western europe and being refused entry. scientists calculate that if all the meshmass already in storage were to be released it would cause a destabilisation of the magnetic field which holds the north and south poles in place at each end of the planet leading to crisis in both the financial and climatic systems, bursting the internet and rupturing the national security agency. (ah, so that's what happened.) but it cannot be so, because i see behind me in the vast, shadowy warehouse that the stacked drums of meshmass are still piled to the ceiling with only the occasional leak visible. but somehow they look strangely taut and soft, as if they were swelling and becoming balloon-like. or is that only my imagination as i am nearly overcome by the fumes.... time to get back to the studio, it's frightening in here.... must make more meshmass.... must not ask "why?"... because of course there is no reason "why", the question itself is meaningless, there are only the reasons of being which obey no logic and have no end.... like meshmass.... and soon we will have to extract from the endless flow of meshmass another monthly portion for our helpless victims..... no, no, our eager subscribers. decembermass promises strange, innovatory and experimental meshmass. and now there is a whole new year helpless and supine before us......
septembermass is upon us.... we wouldn't normally complain but it is so hard to clean it off again. this month it took at least 3 re-edits to restrict the output to cd length (which is accurately described by the formula 'a little bit less than 80 minutes' but cannot be definitely stated without knowing exactly how many tracks are involved and etc etc due to the complexities of the cd writing process on sony soundforge.) one piece 'lumpen presidentiat' was so mangled in the editing process it had to be discarded, doubly tragic since it was named in honour of evo morales the president of bolivia whose presidential jet was refused passage through europe in case it had a snowden on board. which it did not. and which just goes to show that american 'diplomacy' has a long reach and no sense of humour, which is why i won't be making any jokes about it. because, after all, you can't make a bolivian omlette without scrambling jets. or something. so all in all it's a bit of a different set from what we laughlungingly describe as "usual" - there aren't many duets - only one and the introduction to 'lapsed' - and there are 3 pieces over 10 minutes long. we have a psychedelic 60's revival guitar instrumental, an amazonian rainforest riverboat adventure, a piece of pianodrone called 'offsettlers' and that one at least i would say is classic meshmass, whatever that is. not that 'crimmins' or 'lapsed' or 'frogbird' or 'trombone murders' are anything less than splendid, of course.
meshmass played at the opening of SABINE PORTELA'S exhibition of paintings. there was cake. there was wine. there was a mayor. there was no possible fire exit. there was meshmass, magic and music. not all at once, obviously. there was even dancing, on a floor made of weetabix. everything was painted white. in order to enter the room one has to duck through a sort of cupboard door halfway up the stairs, whereupon one enters a large space which is triangular in section and has a glass roof. this is where sabine makes pictures. (and very impressive they are too - these were mostly white - they have a surprising depth of surface and were collected under the theme of 'going in circles' - very suitable for meshmass, we thought.) meshmass played at about 8 p.m. after they had worked out how to make everything function outside its usual habitat. the electricity came from a single point spliced into the lighting circuit and there being no way out except through the aforementioned cupboard door richard (who is anyway extremely tall) seemed convinced that certain death was the likeliest outcome. however, we have all survived (unless this is some sort of cosmic joke played on the dead) and we are fairly content with our activity whilst alive in that place, of which we have a recording.
having undergone a humiliating, time-consuming, complicated, wasteful and above all futile attempt to interest people in our relentless overproduction - by means of which it was finally proved beyond reasonable doubt that we cannot arrange even to give away meshmass - we are nevertheless currently working on the july subscription edition. we started in traditional fashion with a pile the approximate size and density of an alp which it is intended that we should reduce until it becomes a perfectly smooth and shiny coffee bean sized portion. so far our teams of value-free scientists, lab technicians in dirty overcoats, deaf sound engineers, mad, drug-addled record producers, noted bean-sculptors and nameless though significant others have reduced the massive edifice by a third. Meanwhile - leaving them to it - meshmass are having their holidays, which involves (among other things) taking more lovely cover pictures of diverse objects including a) bees and b) seas. the resultant glorious julymass will be flopping into the laptops of a fortunate few in a few days to be greeted (i have no doubt) with muffled cries of 'goody' 'yum' 'oh god' and 'help'. not only this but as members of the Performing Right Society we discover that this august institution (dedicated to the defence of 'intellectual property' a term we find confusing and a concept we have our doubts about) is seemingly incapable of maintaining a database which includes meshmass. not so surprising, you might think, but more surprising perhaps is the news that 'official f.m.', one of the sites (along with soundcloud, bandcamp and probably some other thing we have forgotten about) to which we post free meshmass for listening to has received a complaint of 'copyright violation' with regard to our material there. this is most unlikely for a variety of reasons, not least of which is the fact that it is not true. the idea that meshmass copy anyone is inherently preposterous since we are not capable even of reproducing music we made ourselves, let alone the music made by others. despite these profound and disturbing setbacks meshmass continues to steer an erratic course into the future leaving in its wake an ever expanding slick of original and individual music. hooray for us.
meshmass have been trying to make some selections spanning a longer timescale than the monthly subscription release and originally envisaged both a collection of duets and a selection from 2012 to be called 'preparing to burn'. however, this project has run into certain difficulties. the selection of duets at 2cd length went quite well - at first - since we just wrote down the names of the ones we could remember and listened to them, but the 2012 project required listening to a good deal of material (as you can imagine, dear reader) and turned up various other duets we had forgotten the names of, thereby throwing the process into confusion. as for 'preparing to burn' itself the list of titles alone is now so long that it takes more than 2 hours to read it out and we have anyway only got as far as june. so those of you waiting for the release of this material may as well stop holding your breath. it is in fact a surprise even to us quite how much meshmass there is lying about the place gumming up the works (it is believed for example that an unlicensed release of meshmass into the sea off cornwall has killed several hundred guillemots) and we will have to think of some way of dividing it and packaging it up before the tightly-stacked bales of meshmass we hold in our huge warehouse explode and cause even greater havoc. the fleets of huge tankers carrying meshmass across the oceans are expressly forbidden from flushing their tanks in the open sea but you know sailors - they are not easy to control and anyway in the event of attacks by pirates emergency measures may have to be taken. meshmass would like to apologise to any guillemots, cormorants and other seabirds who may have been inconvenienced to death by recent unauthorised releases and assure them that we are doing everything in our power (that is to say: nothing) to prevent any recurence of such an unfortunate mishap. we would like to make it clear that some quantities of meshmass would not exist without the assistance and express encouragement of weddell seals, nightingales, large brown cows with horns and other creatures who have freely offered their time and voices in order to assist us in our (seemingly) endless and (demonstrably) futile ongoing project.
meshmass (the sound of fat children) played live at dave's birthday party in lewes in a tiny room slightly taller than it is wide. most of the audience preferred to sit in sub-zero temperatures in a tent in the garden with a shishka pipe rather than suffer the ear-crushingly loud sound pressures generated by the pulsing sinewaves, squealing squeaks and throbbing throbs of the dreadfulMASS, amplified as they were through a p.a. system designed for somewhere larger (such as a matchbox) but anyway they (the audience) were dressed up in all manner of peculiar costumes so it was probably a good thing we couldn't see them. we did see a bearded person wearing braces. we saw a woman in a bathing costume and a tinfoil head-dress (but i cannot complain since she gave me a strawberry). there were people with hairstyles of impossibly complex design and bright red lipstick. i was trying to detect a theme but costumes seemed to range from the 1930's to the 1980's so i suppose the theme must have been 'whatever is available'. meshmass played for an hour and a half or a bit longer, performing pieces they had never heard before for the most part including invisible horse (which is available in prepared meals all over the supermarkets of britain and the greater european mainland). meshmass did not play in costume since a) they do not have costumes; b) no-one asked them to; (and) c) they find the english enthusiasm for fancy dress both ludicrous and faintly alarming. however, richard was periodically discovered to have skyscrapers on his trousers so i suppose he was making an effort. all in all it went surprisingly well and we have recorded evidence which proves that to be the case which however we are unwilling to disclose except perhaps in a closed courtroom where the judge and all legal representatives are blindfolded and have their ears stopped with tar for fear of otherwise endangering national security. ###################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################### the mass (as they are not normally known) would come and play in YOUR livingroom if you asked them (auralwitness@gmail.com) at much more reasonable domestic volume and probably for longer for a small fee covering their expenses and the price of a cuppa tea guvnor. this is an offer of such startling and unusual generosity that it may not be available forever..... hurry now while stocks last.